where life takes me

your probably wondering what my blog name means right? well it's kinda complicated, my life has always been topsy turvybut one thing thats has almost always been there for me is dance so thats where the dancer and pointe shoes comes from. the black part is because black is my favorite color and i'm sorta emo-ish but like original emo not the steryo typical thing everyone thinks of when they hear emo so thats where that came from. and the dork part is just cause im a total dork, i spend way to much time playing my xbox and i love history and science so thats where that came from so now you know why my blog is called what it is. so now let me tell you a little bit about myself, i love to dance, dance is my life and i never want to do anything elses, my mom has been sick with 7 or 8 different auto-immune diseases for about 7 years but one of my favorite quotes is “The doors we open and close each day decide the lives we live.” and i want to decide the life i live so i opend the door to exceptance, it doesnt mean it doesnt hurt me when i see my friends moms doing things my mom cant but it means that i know this is how it is and i won't try to cange it because i can't. i have a little brother (13) a little sister (9) and a big brother (20) so since my big brother is never home i've kinda become the oldest and i have to do the things my mom can't ; laundry, making lunch, tucking in my lil sis, ect. so thats kinda alot for a 14 year old and sometimes it's just hard to take it all i can't tell you how many times i've been close to suicide and it just got worse when my grandma, who's like a second mom to me, got lung cancer, she's styill alive but we dont know for how long. so different subject now, i'm depressing myself, lastnight i went to a christian surfers bible study, it's kinda funny that i ended up there because i had a super long day, i got up at 8 for pointe class and that was two hours long, then i helped with the little girls dance class for 2 hours, then i got ready for my piano recital, then i did my piano recital, so when my dad asked if i wanted to go surfing i said almost said no because i was freaking tired but i fealt like i NEEDED to go surfing so i said yeah and put on my bathing suit and grabbed my board and when i kept getting in other surfers ways (becaus i a total newb) i got out of the water and sat on the beach and then a surfer came up and asked if i was there for the bible study and i said no and they said i could stay if i wanted to so i did and it was really cool because everyone was really nice even though i don't think i really belonged so i think i'll go back next week.